Oh goodness, your words resonate so deeply with me Janisse. “My sadness is bottomless.” I realized several years ago after a healer helped me that what I was feeling wasn’t depression but melancholy. For the planet, for the loss of our natural resources. When I was 40 I moved from San Francisco just north of the city to Montara, right off Hwy 1. The Pacific Ocean bordered my home. Initially I was sharing a home with my sister and helping co-parent her two children, 5 and 10. I had the back room which looked out to extraordinary trees - one I named the Goddess tree - fully, bosomy with branches that extended into the air - inviting her graces to all who gazed upon her. I sang to her, prayed with her, partnered with her to guide me through the darkness of an early menopause.
One weekend I was away and upon my return I opened the curtains to find the tree gone. Just GONE. I kept opening and closing my eyes thinking I was in a dream or something. My 5yr old nephew Shelby approached me and said the neighbors had cut down the tree to open up the view.
I was aghast. He went on to say it was very loud and almost hurtful because the tree was wailing, crying, during the process. He said it went on for hours. That it was a good thing I wasn’t there. My heart was weeping as he spoke -his tender years wanting to provide a full account of being witness to this travesty. I hugged him. I thanked him for being here. I retreated. It was so difficult to face the window and see the empty place left by this extraordinary Goddess tree. I eventually regrouped and reignited the goddess energy she disposed on me - made my way through the “mud hell” years of menopause, finding a rockstar GYN who helped me cope and become the goddess warrior I am today. I get that nature is my teacher. It’s just hard at times to let go of the beings who serve us so devotedly.
Oh if only we could go back to what none of us have ever seen, the Earth in full, functioning glory. I create my little oasis of habitat with native flowers, shrubs and trees, and volunteer at restoration sites. How I wish there were more people taking actions that help our fellow beings. xo
I am surrounded by "timber lands" formerly forests and after voided of all life, planted as tree farms. the altar of greed dominates my region. The corporations talk about the local economy and jobs - but they have eliminated most of the jobs with mechanization. One machine, operated by one human, can cut, de-branch, and stack 20 acres of second-growth Douglas firs in a week. Two log truck drivers haul the logs to the mill, which employs less than 20 people, the now-wood products are most often put on a barge and shipped to other countries. There is nothing local about the altar of greed.
I feel all of this so deeply, Janisse. When I left your home a few wknds ago, I met them moving in the logging equipment & I knew it would tear at your heart. I hate those sounds the saws make. They make me cringe! Just the other day I was riding around the county crying over all the clear cuts & signs, “Land for Sale”. I even received a text on my phone this week inquiring if I had any land I was interested in selling. It was one of those automated texts where you press “1” for yes & “2” for no. I responded “Hell no!” and surprisingly they understood & responded. Then I deleted & blocked the number. The world has gone crazy & I’m just trying to keep my sanity in my swamp & on the farm.
Janisse, this is my first read and I could feel my soul speak as I read every word. I am so in love with nature and everything you shared resonates with me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Thank you, my dear friend. I just erased a long couple of paragraphs about my doom and gloom feelings right now. Writing this here is like telling someone at a funeral that you are sorry for their loss. It is a nice gesture, but those words don't help with the grieving at all. I hope we wake up from this bad dream. I hope tomorrow we'll shake out of the fear and realize things are ok and years ago our leaders made the right choices to stop the rise in temperature. That greed and selfishness didn't prevail and the earth wasn't the last thing even considered in a slew of bills up for passage.
There is much talk in the mental health field about the psychoemotional effects of climate trauma. Thank you for the info about tomorrow night's Zoom. I'll be there. And ... Janisse ... thank you for everything. We're out here, listening.
You do not know the road;you have committed your life to a way.
Wendell Berry
Always your words take me where I need to be. This time it was these….Someone is always cutting something down. Then I thought, someone is always cutting someone down as well. Thank you for the photos. I am sure the new book will be a wonderful read.
NB: My gardenia bush is forming small buds that I look at every day. I think we write and read because we too want to give the world something lovely.
One of my lectures and a couple of my poems are headed to you via Becky Budd Caramico.
Oh goodness, your words resonate so deeply with me Janisse. “My sadness is bottomless.” I realized several years ago after a healer helped me that what I was feeling wasn’t depression but melancholy. For the planet, for the loss of our natural resources. When I was 40 I moved from San Francisco just north of the city to Montara, right off Hwy 1. The Pacific Ocean bordered my home. Initially I was sharing a home with my sister and helping co-parent her two children, 5 and 10. I had the back room which looked out to extraordinary trees - one I named the Goddess tree - fully, bosomy with branches that extended into the air - inviting her graces to all who gazed upon her. I sang to her, prayed with her, partnered with her to guide me through the darkness of an early menopause.
One weekend I was away and upon my return I opened the curtains to find the tree gone. Just GONE. I kept opening and closing my eyes thinking I was in a dream or something. My 5yr old nephew Shelby approached me and said the neighbors had cut down the tree to open up the view.
I was aghast. He went on to say it was very loud and almost hurtful because the tree was wailing, crying, during the process. He said it went on for hours. That it was a good thing I wasn’t there. My heart was weeping as he spoke -his tender years wanting to provide a full account of being witness to this travesty. I hugged him. I thanked him for being here. I retreated. It was so difficult to face the window and see the empty place left by this extraordinary Goddess tree. I eventually regrouped and reignited the goddess energy she disposed on me - made my way through the “mud hell” years of menopause, finding a rockstar GYN who helped me cope and become the goddess warrior I am today. I get that nature is my teacher. It’s just hard at times to let go of the beings who serve us so devotedly.
Beautiful, all of this piece. But then, your writing always is💛✨
Oh if only we could go back to what none of us have ever seen, the Earth in full, functioning glory. I create my little oasis of habitat with native flowers, shrubs and trees, and volunteer at restoration sites. How I wish there were more people taking actions that help our fellow beings. xo
I am surrounded by "timber lands" formerly forests and after voided of all life, planted as tree farms. the altar of greed dominates my region. The corporations talk about the local economy and jobs - but they have eliminated most of the jobs with mechanization. One machine, operated by one human, can cut, de-branch, and stack 20 acres of second-growth Douglas firs in a week. Two log truck drivers haul the logs to the mill, which employs less than 20 people, the now-wood products are most often put on a barge and shipped to other countries. There is nothing local about the altar of greed.
Morning Janisse, I enjoyed this piece. Take care, JPD
Will you still be leading, "Journey in Place?"
I feel all of this so deeply, Janisse. When I left your home a few wknds ago, I met them moving in the logging equipment & I knew it would tear at your heart. I hate those sounds the saws make. They make me cringe! Just the other day I was riding around the county crying over all the clear cuts & signs, “Land for Sale”. I even received a text on my phone this week inquiring if I had any land I was interested in selling. It was one of those automated texts where you press “1” for yes & “2” for no. I responded “Hell no!” and surprisingly they understood & responded. Then I deleted & blocked the number. The world has gone crazy & I’m just trying to keep my sanity in my swamp & on the farm.
Love it, although a sabbatical sounds like taking it easy, I don't think that is in the cards.
Janisse, this is my first read and I could feel my soul speak as I read every word. I am so in love with nature and everything you shared resonates with me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
Thank you, my dear friend. I just erased a long couple of paragraphs about my doom and gloom feelings right now. Writing this here is like telling someone at a funeral that you are sorry for their loss. It is a nice gesture, but those words don't help with the grieving at all. I hope we wake up from this bad dream. I hope tomorrow we'll shake out of the fear and realize things are ok and years ago our leaders made the right choices to stop the rise in temperature. That greed and selfishness didn't prevail and the earth wasn't the last thing even considered in a slew of bills up for passage.
Hoping our paths cross soon.
There is much talk in the mental health field about the psychoemotional effects of climate trauma. Thank you for the info about tomorrow night's Zoom. I'll be there. And ... Janisse ... thank you for everything. We're out here, listening.
Thank you, Janisse.
It is so nice to know after reading your article that there are like-minded people out there who share my feelings.
You do not know the road;you have committed your life to a way.
Wendell Berry
Always your words take me where I need to be. This time it was these….Someone is always cutting something down. Then I thought, someone is always cutting someone down as well. Thank you for the photos. I am sure the new book will be a wonderful read.
NB: My gardenia bush is forming small buds that I look at every day. I think we write and read because we too want to give the world something lovely.
I, too, cry for trees, whisper. “I’m so sorry” when I see them cut down.