I desire to embrace life fully. The only option. To appreciate the breeze. To hope for positive change. One foot in front of the other, keeping my aim alive, when I remember. Without desire, there is a fading of vitality. To know that breath is happening, to wonder how to fuel the desire that fuels my life.
I love the idea of being drunk on desire. But I wonder, is it not possible to have both - desire and contentment. I can't imagine being content without desire. That would feel lifeless and flat to me. Can I not be content with what I have, but still desire more? A more beautiful world, perhaps? I like the mantra, "Thank you, bring me more", which to me expresses gratitude and contentment in the present, but also a desire for more in the future. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Much love...
I am so glad I discovered you and your beautiful blog today. It is interesting that almost all my musings of late have started with the words "I want..." and how I feel it is my soul reaching through me and past my ego for deeper connection.
Yes! Such an interesting idea of the soul having to reach past the ego. I'll be thinking about that one all day. And I saw that you had subscribed--thank you! I'm so glad to get to know you.
I wrote long and hard about this essay, which I say again is one of the finest I’ve read in a long time; on a subject with which I identify and occasionally gets me into trouble. Both times it leapt away like sparks into the Ethernet. Perhaps they will find a place to burn beneath the asses of inertia which prevent us from acting. Thank you, thank you. My god, you’re just so damn good when you burn. I dare say the river of desire that floods you and pushes your hand across the page is made of blood, your blood. And you’ve got the fire of desire in your veins, Janisse. Rock on, write on.
I need to think long and carefully about what you've written here, Janisse. It hits at the heart of something I've been chewing on. And ... thank you for the shout-out! 💜
From one desire junkie to another, thank you for helping restore the vitalizing power of our deepest cravings. I try to balance my desire with moments of deep fulfillment, in which desire is temporarily quenched. But then I happily go back to this life-giving, gut-deep fuel for moving upwards and onwards!
My daughter and I went on a cruise to Alaska, and in addition to the joy of being with this amazing young woman I raised, it was a trip back in time. Not on the ship, with its casinos and game shows and high end shopping--but in the small towns on the coast, the snow-covered mountains, and the diversity of trees and wildlife. We had a wonderful dogsled ride through glacial snow and breakfasts in non-corporate small cafes which somehow don't change even with the onslaught of cruise passengers. Since returning, I feel a constant ache for what is so far away from me now. Thank you for putting a name to it!
“we lump it with greed and irrationality” - Janisse, desire is natural. Greed and irrationality seem unnatural. The lessons learned while observing Osprey, Dolphins, Pelicans should apply to us all. They take only as many Mullet from the estuary that are needed. Humans look for ways to get all they can. It’s a flaw in our character.
Thank you for this Janisse. I loved, absorbed, and totally understood what you had to say about desire and I agree about its importance to a life well lived. I am one of those rare humans who have lived my entire life led primarily by my desires. Not always consciously, but in retrospect I see that it was always so. This meant a life without a safety net. No safe suburban home, no alimony, no one partner or one job for life, much of the time not even any plan other than to be free of control, entanglements, debt. For some of my adult life I felt guilty about this, and figured I would die young or end up homeless. I desired to see the world, so I wandered, often on a shoestring. I got lucky and lived to be old, and now, thanks to the frugality and generosity of my first and best adversary, my Cracker old man, I have a home in my chosen place on this beleaguered planet. I too desire to see our earth returned to what it was, but I will settle for just seeing it survive and maybe get a little better as time goes by. I can tell you this - desire does not fade away with old age. If anything, I can still see an army of gray-haired women rising up and saving this thing. You are a big help and an inspiration. Much love to you. Don't ever let your light burn out! <3
I can live with this purple blood stain under the skin of my forearm but I don’t have to like it. It showed up a few days ago in the shape of a nickel-sized butterfly. There is no break in my skin, just this dark blotch I have seen the likes of so many times on the thin arms and hands of people of a certain age. I became obsessed with it. What caused it? Did I unknowingly puncture myself with a rose thorn while pruning? Did I brush up against the shag bark of the hickory tree when pulling out bittersweet vines? Was it a gentle bump against the car door when I was unloading groceries? I wanted to know so that I would be careful to never let it happen again. But I know that it will. Decades of bare-armed, sunny days at the beach, working tank-topped and gloveless in the garden and a love of walking have given rise to age spots and papery skin that it appears now will become decorated with purple butterflies.
The skin of my arms and hands has become shiny in its thinness. Twisty veins stand up on the back of my hands vulnerable without fat to hide and protect them. They have evolved into my Granny Rouse’s hands, my mother’s hands, an old woman’s hands. Vanity tells me to dab the butterfly with makeup in an effort to hide it but it only makes it look like dirt. I rifle through my closet trying to find a long-sleeved shirt thin enough to wear in the summer heat. No luck but I’ll check the thrift shop for suitable camouflage.
It's so hard to accept the aging of my shell. I want it to carry me on more adventures, respond to my clumsiness with resilience, bounce when I fall, stay strong to carry me more miles in the woods. A desire to keep going seems to be programmed into our DNA and to me that’s a good thing. What does keep going look like as I become slower and thin-skinned? Asking for help to do things that I think I do better than anyone else? Learning to live with bittersweet? Passing on the more strenuous hikes in the woods? Nah. I’ll learn to live with the purple butterflies that show up unexpectedly on my arms.
I really needed to hear these words this morning! Thank you so much. I have been living a half life these last 5 years taking care of my mother and watching my dreams fizzle away. I needed to be reminded that I do still have desire and that gives me hope again for the future.
I love the connections that you make here between desire, knowledge, and hope. And at the edge of my thoughts is something about Eden and women and the privilege of knowledge and desire….I shall brainstorm a bit. Thank you, Janisse, for such an inspiring piece!
I'm excited to read Joe Wilkins's new book. I love his writing and have heard good things about this new one.
I desire to embrace life fully. The only option. To appreciate the breeze. To hope for positive change. One foot in front of the other, keeping my aim alive, when I remember. Without desire, there is a fading of vitality. To know that breath is happening, to wonder how to fuel the desire that fuels my life.
Very well said, Laura, and I agree so completely.
I love the idea of being drunk on desire. But I wonder, is it not possible to have both - desire and contentment. I can't imagine being content without desire. That would feel lifeless and flat to me. Can I not be content with what I have, but still desire more? A more beautiful world, perhaps? I like the mantra, "Thank you, bring me more", which to me expresses gratitude and contentment in the present, but also a desire for more in the future. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Much love...
Great thinking, Phoebe. I think this is the smarter approach, and I love that mantra--Thank you, bring me more. It makes me smile. Peace to you.
Drunk on Desire….. thank you for this thought bubble. I appreciate the spark in deep conversation your writing initiates!
My husband and I have enjoyed talking about desire together. You’ve shed new light on one of our favorite subjects LoL!
Much love,
Becca
You funny woman. "one of our favorite subjects"
I am so glad I discovered you and your beautiful blog today. It is interesting that almost all my musings of late have started with the words "I want..." and how I feel it is my soul reaching through me and past my ego for deeper connection.
Yes! Such an interesting idea of the soul having to reach past the ego. I'll be thinking about that one all day. And I saw that you had subscribed--thank you! I'm so glad to get to know you.
I wrote long and hard about this essay, which I say again is one of the finest I’ve read in a long time; on a subject with which I identify and occasionally gets me into trouble. Both times it leapt away like sparks into the Ethernet. Perhaps they will find a place to burn beneath the asses of inertia which prevent us from acting. Thank you, thank you. My god, you’re just so damn good when you burn. I dare say the river of desire that floods you and pushes your hand across the page is made of blood, your blood. And you’ve got the fire of desire in your veins, Janisse. Rock on, write on.
Oh my gosh. I'm on my knees.
I need to think long and carefully about what you've written here, Janisse. It hits at the heart of something I've been chewing on. And ... thank you for the shout-out! 💜
Let me know when you get your thinking done, because I'd like to hear what you have to say.
From one desire junkie to another, thank you for helping restore the vitalizing power of our deepest cravings. I try to balance my desire with moments of deep fulfillment, in which desire is temporarily quenched. But then I happily go back to this life-giving, gut-deep fuel for moving upwards and onwards!
So we're desire junkies, Fabiana? :)
In the best possible sense! Hope I didn't offend :)
My daughter and I went on a cruise to Alaska, and in addition to the joy of being with this amazing young woman I raised, it was a trip back in time. Not on the ship, with its casinos and game shows and high end shopping--but in the small towns on the coast, the snow-covered mountains, and the diversity of trees and wildlife. We had a wonderful dogsled ride through glacial snow and breakfasts in non-corporate small cafes which somehow don't change even with the onslaught of cruise passengers. Since returning, I feel a constant ache for what is so far away from me now. Thank you for putting a name to it!
Sounds like you and your daughter took a very important trip.
“we lump it with greed and irrationality” - Janisse, desire is natural. Greed and irrationality seem unnatural. The lessons learned while observing Osprey, Dolphins, Pelicans should apply to us all. They take only as many Mullet from the estuary that are needed. Humans look for ways to get all they can. It’s a flaw in our character.
You sober me with these words, Mark. Yes. You're right.
Thank you for this Janisse. I loved, absorbed, and totally understood what you had to say about desire and I agree about its importance to a life well lived. I am one of those rare humans who have lived my entire life led primarily by my desires. Not always consciously, but in retrospect I see that it was always so. This meant a life without a safety net. No safe suburban home, no alimony, no one partner or one job for life, much of the time not even any plan other than to be free of control, entanglements, debt. For some of my adult life I felt guilty about this, and figured I would die young or end up homeless. I desired to see the world, so I wandered, often on a shoestring. I got lucky and lived to be old, and now, thanks to the frugality and generosity of my first and best adversary, my Cracker old man, I have a home in my chosen place on this beleaguered planet. I too desire to see our earth returned to what it was, but I will settle for just seeing it survive and maybe get a little better as time goes by. I can tell you this - desire does not fade away with old age. If anything, I can still see an army of gray-haired women rising up and saving this thing. You are a big help and an inspiration. Much love to you. Don't ever let your light burn out! <3
Much love to you, Rebecca, and I'm glad you're in a good place. And I'm extra glad that you lived by your desire. Few people can say that.
My response to your prompt.
I can live with this purple blood stain under the skin of my forearm but I don’t have to like it. It showed up a few days ago in the shape of a nickel-sized butterfly. There is no break in my skin, just this dark blotch I have seen the likes of so many times on the thin arms and hands of people of a certain age. I became obsessed with it. What caused it? Did I unknowingly puncture myself with a rose thorn while pruning? Did I brush up against the shag bark of the hickory tree when pulling out bittersweet vines? Was it a gentle bump against the car door when I was unloading groceries? I wanted to know so that I would be careful to never let it happen again. But I know that it will. Decades of bare-armed, sunny days at the beach, working tank-topped and gloveless in the garden and a love of walking have given rise to age spots and papery skin that it appears now will become decorated with purple butterflies.
The skin of my arms and hands has become shiny in its thinness. Twisty veins stand up on the back of my hands vulnerable without fat to hide and protect them. They have evolved into my Granny Rouse’s hands, my mother’s hands, an old woman’s hands. Vanity tells me to dab the butterfly with makeup in an effort to hide it but it only makes it look like dirt. I rifle through my closet trying to find a long-sleeved shirt thin enough to wear in the summer heat. No luck but I’ll check the thrift shop for suitable camouflage.
It's so hard to accept the aging of my shell. I want it to carry me on more adventures, respond to my clumsiness with resilience, bounce when I fall, stay strong to carry me more miles in the woods. A desire to keep going seems to be programmed into our DNA and to me that’s a good thing. What does keep going look like as I become slower and thin-skinned? Asking for help to do things that I think I do better than anyone else? Learning to live with bittersweet? Passing on the more strenuous hikes in the woods? Nah. I’ll learn to live with the purple butterflies that show up unexpectedly on my arms.
I am with you, wondering the same things.
Good god, Jessie, this is beautiful and I resonate with every word, every age spot that's on my hands too. Where can I read more of your writing?
Thank you Jeanne. My writing is hiding in my computer but I'm trying to share it more. Your comment was encouraging.
I really needed to hear these words this morning! Thank you so much. I have been living a half life these last 5 years taking care of my mother and watching my dreams fizzle away. I needed to be reminded that I do still have desire and that gives me hope again for the future.
Care-giving will sap you, for sure.
Wonderful post -- desite puts us so in touch with our creaturliness and connection.
Morning Janisse, Remember……..breathe deeply. Rest. Sleep. Enjoy the sunshine. Do this again tomorrow and then, the next day.
I hear you, my friend. Pace myself. You too. I love you, Jeff.
I love the connections that you make here between desire, knowledge, and hope. And at the edge of my thoughts is something about Eden and women and the privilege of knowledge and desire….I shall brainstorm a bit. Thank you, Janisse, for such an inspiring piece!