Hello Janisse! I discovered your Substack newsletter in the acknowledgments of "The Woods of Fannin County." Such a wonderful book. I finished this morning. (Thank you, thank you, thank you for telling this story!) I immediately wanted more of your writing, so I headed to Substack as I'm not on social media (intentionally) and I, too, enjoy writing via Substack.
Hospitality is such a complex topic in our house. We have a son with non-speaking autism and anything that upsets his usual routine (like house guests) is stressful. Our primary overnight guests are my in-laws, who only visit once or twice a year. I try to serve our guests by serving my son first -- even though this goes against most rules of hospitality. He never has to give up his room (it would be too difficult for him) and he always has a quiet space where he can retreat if the sound and sight of unfamiliar people is too much. I try to serve my son first because it keeps the rhythm of our home efficient, light and airy. No one wants to spend time in a house full of tension and anxiety. So, while it might seem rude to some guests that I serve my son first (at meals, at bedtime, etc.) and let him spend time alone, it is really all in the effort of keeping our home a happy place, which then serves the guest as well. Thankfully, most people are understanding if they know we have a son with autism (although, as I said, it's been years since we hosted anybody but my in-laws).
You paint such delightful word pictures with your stories of hosting and visiting. I'd love to read an entire book on this topic -- have you ever considered writing a book on hospitality?
Oh, Heather, my heart goes out to you. I completely understand about your son. This was our life, too, for many years with our daughter. Now she's grown and no longer lives with us, but I remember vividly all those years of being unable to host guests. You make me realize that having guests is a privilege, and I am privileged to enjoy this. Thank you so much for pointing this out to me. I of course wish you and your family all the very best. Thank you also for thinking I should write a book on hospitality. I love that idea and even more so, I love your vote of confidence. :)
This is a very lovely piece of writing. I get to try out some of these hospitality suggestions on my beatiful daughter Anna (your former intern) in a couple of weeks!
Thank you, Janisse. Just yesterday, as we approach the summer solstice, I was reminiscing about the wonderful winter solstice gatherings we used to have at your place. I'm yearning for a fun paddle on a blackwater river and hope to get down to the Satilla some time this summer, preferably to camp overnight on a sand bar! I miss you guys.
Oh,yes, yes, yes!! Guests should always ask about stripping the beds and not just do it on their own. I will consolidate my trash. Arrive with a gift and leave with a thank you note. Help with any chores or daily activities. Acknowledge special efforts. Also, come prepared with all you need just in case.
As we travel and spend the night at airbnb's and the like, we have come to appreciate the little touches that make us feel welcome. At our home, the guest room bed is comfy and stacked with several pillows to create the Goldilocks effect. Extra blankets in the closet. A cleared off space for personal items plus a folding luggage rack. A small fan because some people like the noise. A drawer in the bathroom with extra toiletries and a hair dryer. LOTS of extra toilet paper!!! An extra coffee maker in the kitchen for caffeine lovers. Then we have a relaxing visit.
Tomorrow my husband, dog Bonnie, and I will visit friends in Zebulon, Georgia, for 3 nights. In addition to many subtle kindnesses (a room and bath better than many bed and breakfasts), what touches my heart is that they will cover their sofas in heavy-duty spreads because they know that Bonnie will want to snooze on their sofas. They prepare for our dog. How cool is that?! And when they visit us, they cuddle with Bonnie on the sofa. These are good friends.
Janisse, After reading this, I went straight to my fridge and made a pimento cheese sandwich. I love these writing pieces that include recipes and make you want to eat. It's my thing :) Life is story and life story includes eating. For my guests, it's simple: clean sheets and bathroom, flowers in the room, and always...... food. My pimento cheese, btw, uses slivered fresh roasted red bell peppers. I just happened to have some on hand. They are great in many dishes, from meat loaf to pasta to pesto. I grated two fresh cheddar cheeses, yellow and white. Added a few slivers of shopped shallot. I don't usually do that but your recipe inspired me to try it. Delicious. My mother used to make it with home made mayonnaise. It has been on my list to try that. Do you remember those jars with the hand choppers for making pimento cheese and egg salad? Yes, teary-eyed about how people treat their guests. So endearing.
I guess I am truly a heathen. Guests to my home get clean bedding and a clean washroom/shower area. Other than that, they get to spend time with us and share in the warmth, laughter, and happiness that is our life.
Lovely essay! Hospitality has nothing to do with spending tons of money, but it does take thoughtfulness and empathy. What would I appreciate if I were a guest and then do that for your visitors. Thank you for the pimento cheese recipe. I miss the pimento cheese from the south and the only recipe I could find used Velveeta which is not a welcome guest at my house!
I love that William Carlos Williams poem. I like having students write their own “apology” poems. We made a book of them a few years ago about fake apologies- big and small- teaching Native American Lit, you learn a lot of false apologies have been given.
I do things to make people comfortable and I love when others do these gestures for me but I’m also easing up on myself a little as age. My parents are visiting this week. I missed graduation (an event I usually attend) to pick them up from the airport and I took two days off from work and am treating my mom to a pedicure for her bday. But I didn’t go crazy cleaning the house. I made up their bed and recleaned the bathroom my daughter said she spot cleaned by which I think she meant, she cleaned a spot but I spent most of yesterday writing and I’m thankful - I think for me the lesson is not learning how to host, it’s learning how to host and still carve space for me.
I adore all of these suggestions that say to a guest how glad you are to share your home with them.
I have a friend -Southern Belle all the way, who did not sleep under the covers -I had ironed the sheets, sprinkled lavender on the pillows, fluffy towels stacked for her, etc. She just laughed and said she did not want me to have to make up another bed.
So next time, I will pull the covers down and put a mint on her pillow.
Thank you for sharing this; I feel inspired for the next time I have guests over! It takes my breath away how thoughtful people can be. I expect the worst of everyone so I'm not easily affronted by poor hospitality. But I do remember visiting a friend years ago who had only one dirty-looking hand towel in her not-very-clean bathroom. From then on I've endeavored to make sure my bathrooms are freshened up if I'm expecting visitors. I also like to have a sweet snack and a savory one on hand in case someone's feeling peckish. When I'm a guest, I have learned to ask for things I need/make myself at home a little (this is very hard for me, but a host shouldn't be expected to read my mind). A friend of mine often brings me pretty kitchen towels when she visits--she knows I don't use paper towels and that new kitchen towels are especially useful.
Brandy, thank you for being a part of this conversation. I hear you about the clean bathroom. I definitely think that needs to go on the list!!! It should be #1, LOL. And I really like the idea of a sweet & a savory snack, because of diabetic or paleo folks. When I write the post about how a guest should act, I'd love to use your example of a friend who brings kitchen towels. Love it! Thank you again.
Lots of ideas for the next time I visit you and Raven or anyone else.
When I did this quiz below, I got connector as my main civic superpower, with less nurturer, defender, and amplifier. I associate nurturing with hospitality and that is an area where I am grateful to grow through your stories.
Laura, we loved having you. I'm going to add you to the post about guests that I write--You left and made a piece of art inspired by your visit. I don't think that has ever happened before. The feeling was wonderful! Thank you. Our house is your house.
I’ve found the #1 thing always appreciated by my visitors are clean glasses and bottles of water by the bedside, as simple as that seems. Also, a small fan if they like their air stirring and I have a number of gift packets I’ve gotten off Delta flights that include a pair of ear plugs and an eye mask. Those crisp/cool cotton sheets dried on the line always get rave reviews about how it takes them back to their childhoods.
Hello Janisse! I discovered your Substack newsletter in the acknowledgments of "The Woods of Fannin County." Such a wonderful book. I finished this morning. (Thank you, thank you, thank you for telling this story!) I immediately wanted more of your writing, so I headed to Substack as I'm not on social media (intentionally) and I, too, enjoy writing via Substack.
Hospitality is such a complex topic in our house. We have a son with non-speaking autism and anything that upsets his usual routine (like house guests) is stressful. Our primary overnight guests are my in-laws, who only visit once or twice a year. I try to serve our guests by serving my son first -- even though this goes against most rules of hospitality. He never has to give up his room (it would be too difficult for him) and he always has a quiet space where he can retreat if the sound and sight of unfamiliar people is too much. I try to serve my son first because it keeps the rhythm of our home efficient, light and airy. No one wants to spend time in a house full of tension and anxiety. So, while it might seem rude to some guests that I serve my son first (at meals, at bedtime, etc.) and let him spend time alone, it is really all in the effort of keeping our home a happy place, which then serves the guest as well. Thankfully, most people are understanding if they know we have a son with autism (although, as I said, it's been years since we hosted anybody but my in-laws).
You paint such delightful word pictures with your stories of hosting and visiting. I'd love to read an entire book on this topic -- have you ever considered writing a book on hospitality?
Oh, Heather, my heart goes out to you. I completely understand about your son. This was our life, too, for many years with our daughter. Now she's grown and no longer lives with us, but I remember vividly all those years of being unable to host guests. You make me realize that having guests is a privilege, and I am privileged to enjoy this. Thank you so much for pointing this out to me. I of course wish you and your family all the very best. Thank you also for thinking I should write a book on hospitality. I love that idea and even more so, I love your vote of confidence. :)
This is a very lovely piece of writing. I get to try out some of these hospitality suggestions on my beatiful daughter Anna (your former intern) in a couple of weeks!
Oh wow. Please give Anna a big hug! I hope she's doing great. She is such a brilliant person.
I so enjoyed reading this post. I try to make guests feel welcome but fall far below Nina's level of thoughtfulness. She sets a high bar indeed!
Oh, you're perfect at hosting, Phyllis. Some of the best parties I've EVER attended have been at your home. And thank you for those!!!
Thank you, Janisse. Just yesterday, as we approach the summer solstice, I was reminiscing about the wonderful winter solstice gatherings we used to have at your place. I'm yearning for a fun paddle on a blackwater river and hope to get down to the Satilla some time this summer, preferably to camp overnight on a sand bar! I miss you guys.
Oh,yes, yes, yes!! Guests should always ask about stripping the beds and not just do it on their own. I will consolidate my trash. Arrive with a gift and leave with a thank you note. Help with any chores or daily activities. Acknowledge special efforts. Also, come prepared with all you need just in case.
LOL. That pretty much sums it up, Kate.
As we travel and spend the night at airbnb's and the like, we have come to appreciate the little touches that make us feel welcome. At our home, the guest room bed is comfy and stacked with several pillows to create the Goldilocks effect. Extra blankets in the closet. A cleared off space for personal items plus a folding luggage rack. A small fan because some people like the noise. A drawer in the bathroom with extra toiletries and a hair dryer. LOTS of extra toilet paper!!! An extra coffee maker in the kitchen for caffeine lovers. Then we have a relaxing visit.
Wow. This is really impressive. And I love "the Goldilocks effect." Precious.
Tomorrow my husband, dog Bonnie, and I will visit friends in Zebulon, Georgia, for 3 nights. In addition to many subtle kindnesses (a room and bath better than many bed and breakfasts), what touches my heart is that they will cover their sofas in heavy-duty spreads because they know that Bonnie will want to snooze on their sofas. They prepare for our dog. How cool is that?! And when they visit us, they cuddle with Bonnie on the sofa. These are good friends.
That is priceless.
This is so lovely, I just love it, all the sentiments, all the ideas. Everything about it.So true, all!
Hey, Julia! I've been getting teary-eyed reading what people do for their guests.
Janisse, After reading this, I went straight to my fridge and made a pimento cheese sandwich. I love these writing pieces that include recipes and make you want to eat. It's my thing :) Life is story and life story includes eating. For my guests, it's simple: clean sheets and bathroom, flowers in the room, and always...... food. My pimento cheese, btw, uses slivered fresh roasted red bell peppers. I just happened to have some on hand. They are great in many dishes, from meat loaf to pasta to pesto. I grated two fresh cheddar cheeses, yellow and white. Added a few slivers of shopped shallot. I don't usually do that but your recipe inspired me to try it. Delicious. My mother used to make it with home made mayonnaise. It has been on my list to try that. Do you remember those jars with the hand choppers for making pimento cheese and egg salad? Yes, teary-eyed about how people treat their guests. So endearing.
I am obsessed with food! I never thought about using both colors of cheese. Yes! And roasted red bells. Great ideas!
I guess I am truly a heathen. Guests to my home get clean bedding and a clean washroom/shower area. Other than that, they get to spend time with us and share in the warmth, laughter, and happiness that is our life.
Ha! Clean bedding & a clean bath is gold.
Lovely essay! Hospitality has nothing to do with spending tons of money, but it does take thoughtfulness and empathy. What would I appreciate if I were a guest and then do that for your visitors. Thank you for the pimento cheese recipe. I miss the pimento cheese from the south and the only recipe I could find used Velveeta which is not a welcome guest at my house!
Real cheese all the way!
I love that William Carlos Williams poem. I like having students write their own “apology” poems. We made a book of them a few years ago about fake apologies- big and small- teaching Native American Lit, you learn a lot of false apologies have been given.
I do things to make people comfortable and I love when others do these gestures for me but I’m also easing up on myself a little as age. My parents are visiting this week. I missed graduation (an event I usually attend) to pick them up from the airport and I took two days off from work and am treating my mom to a pedicure for her bday. But I didn’t go crazy cleaning the house. I made up their bed and recleaned the bathroom my daughter said she spot cleaned by which I think she meant, she cleaned a spot but I spent most of yesterday writing and I’m thankful - I think for me the lesson is not learning how to host, it’s learning how to host and still carve space for me.
So well said. Thank you! Also "she meant, she cleaned a spot" got a guffaw out of me. Enjoy your folks!
I adore all of these suggestions that say to a guest how glad you are to share your home with them.
I have a friend -Southern Belle all the way, who did not sleep under the covers -I had ironed the sheets, sprinkled lavender on the pillows, fluffy towels stacked for her, etc. She just laughed and said she did not want me to have to make up another bed.
So next time, I will pull the covers down and put a mint on her pillow.
LOL. This is so funny, Gail. What in the world does that say about your Southern Belle?
I will ask her when she returns on Friday-yes, it is a good laugh all the way!
"Bless her heart!"
What a great read. Pimento cheese was my sister's favorite and I have her classic recipe. I laughed out loud when I read "This Is Just to Say."
Thank you for sharing this; I feel inspired for the next time I have guests over! It takes my breath away how thoughtful people can be. I expect the worst of everyone so I'm not easily affronted by poor hospitality. But I do remember visiting a friend years ago who had only one dirty-looking hand towel in her not-very-clean bathroom. From then on I've endeavored to make sure my bathrooms are freshened up if I'm expecting visitors. I also like to have a sweet snack and a savory one on hand in case someone's feeling peckish. When I'm a guest, I have learned to ask for things I need/make myself at home a little (this is very hard for me, but a host shouldn't be expected to read my mind). A friend of mine often brings me pretty kitchen towels when she visits--she knows I don't use paper towels and that new kitchen towels are especially useful.
Brandy, thank you for being a part of this conversation. I hear you about the clean bathroom. I definitely think that needs to go on the list!!! It should be #1, LOL. And I really like the idea of a sweet & a savory snack, because of diabetic or paleo folks. When I write the post about how a guest should act, I'd love to use your example of a friend who brings kitchen towels. Love it! Thank you again.
Great piece. Thank you!!
Lots of ideas for the next time I visit you and Raven or anyone else.
When I did this quiz below, I got connector as my main civic superpower, with less nurturer, defender, and amplifier. I associate nurturing with hospitality and that is an area where I am grateful to grow through your stories.
https://www.thecivicseason.com/quiz/
Civic season is Juneteenth-July 4. Perhaps other readers may want to know what their civic superpowers are??
Thank you for your gracious hospitality earlier this month.
Love,
Laura
Laura, we loved having you. I'm going to add you to the post about guests that I write--You left and made a piece of art inspired by your visit. I don't think that has ever happened before. The feeling was wonderful! Thank you. Our house is your house.
I’ve found the #1 thing always appreciated by my visitors are clean glasses and bottles of water by the bedside, as simple as that seems. Also, a small fan if they like their air stirring and I have a number of gift packets I’ve gotten off Delta flights that include a pair of ear plugs and an eye mask. Those crisp/cool cotton sheets dried on the line always get rave reviews about how it takes them back to their childhoods.
Looking forward to trying the cheese salad!
We have our wi-fi password on our fridge, but for a special guest I’ll put it in a little frame on the bedside table.
Smart!
That literally brought tears to my eyes. How sweet is that!