25 Comments
User's avatar
Courtenay Budd's avatar

I'm with you on cancelling Christmas. We've ruined it. For years I've been trying to redeem it, but I keep getting sucked back in like Michael Corleone. Recently, my focus and practice have moved more toward Advent and Epiphany. So I feel helpless to redeem the trashed holiday, but one little girl did so with a homemade and love-infused offering of Christmas for her brothers. I want to go back and hug that little girl and sneak her my favorite gifts, the ones I cherished enough to hold onto til my fifties - tiny toy animals and sketch books. I also want to share this poem from a beloved Sewanee religion professor, Gerald Smith, who wrote it right after losing his wife since his youth. Your essay brought it back to mind: Gift

I am not ready for Christmas

Forget that it is now November

Not yet Armistice Day or Thanksgiving

I am not ready for another holiday

Hell, I wasn’t ready for Easter,

People rushing to buy, decorate,

Obliterate with lights, ribbons;

Holidays are all unholy days

Where we hide from each other

Making memories no better

Than the balls of tissue paper

Under the chair.

Thanks but no thanks

Pagan I am not but I will keep other days:

Equinox, solstice, equinox again;

Deep solstice not because I believe in old gods

Or resent the glitter of the new ones.

The sun comes and goes but remains

Keeping time, keeping course

Permanent against our sad flashes.

Keep the presents trees lights—

I would rather sit of a cold midnight

See one glowing star, dream of Magi,

Know one pure perfect gift:

The peace of God.

(Nov. 10, 2023)

Expand full comment
Janisse Ray's avatar

Courtenay, this is especially poignant because I just read the piece your wrote for our memoir course. Wow. And thank you for the poem.

Expand full comment
Gabriele Ulrike Stauf's avatar

Ah, Christmas and it's commercial strangle hold. I am touched by your story and agree that our childhood memories affect how we approach this season. I am more comfortable celebrating the Solstice and our place in the seasons. The inner wealth of our being is, after all, the most amazing gift of all.

Expand full comment
Janisse Ray's avatar

Your wisdom resonates with me, Gabriele. Thank you for being here.

Expand full comment
Facilitating Love on Earth's avatar

This was beautiful, thank you.

Expand full comment
AJ Spence's avatar

I enjoyed listening to your story. Thank you for sharing it. Upon reflection I suppose it is our job to figure out which holidays we want to celebrate and how so that they are meaningful to us ALL THE TIME. I am really looking forward to our 2024 journey with you.

Expand full comment
Roseanna Almaee's avatar

Love this piece. I just read it on Christmas morning and was feeling a little low, but this work of yours put things into perspective, and now I'm better. Thank you.

Expand full comment
Katie Weinberger's avatar

Merry Christmas, Janisse 💚 thank you for the prayers for peace 💚

Expand full comment
Jeanne Malmgren's avatar

Oh, Janisse, I knew that you grew up without Christmas but I didn't know the details -- how you furtively created a celebration for yourself and your brothers. Incredible memories; thank you so much for sharing them. And speaking of sharing, I'm right with you on the excess and waste of Christmas. We're doing it simply this year, and that feels so lovely. Thank you for this heartfelt post, and I hope your holidays are filled with peace & joy.

Expand full comment
Frank Billue's avatar

This story is at once heartbreaking and heartwarming. It reminded me of my favorite passage from the book Bartrams Living Legacy pp. 15-16. The "moral principle that directs us to virtuous and praiseworthy actions" is innate. Happiest of holidays to you and Raven.

Expand full comment
Joan Donaldson's avatar

Thank you for sharing your pain and your resolve. For years, we have tried to reject the commercialism of Christmas by celebrating in simple creative ways that hopefully show our love for others. Plus, the Christmas Revels have influenced our community celebrations. My husbands and sons agreed that one of the best "gifts" I gave them was a promise to bake them at least one pie a week for 52 weeks. Because I can numerous jars of pickles and jams, I give those to family members and friends. Mostly, I want them to know that they are loved and cherished. I pray that tomorrow, joy fills you and your family.

Expand full comment
Kristin Ohlson's avatar

I want a Citadel of Peace!

Expand full comment
Debra Stucki's avatar

What strikes me here is although your childhood lacked the modern rituals of Christmas, your kind and generous heart show the true meaning of the Christmas spirit, sometimes lacking in all that glitter.

Expand full comment
Pamela Herron's avatar

What an amazing story! I’m in awe of the brave 11 year old you. I wonder if your little brothers remember this Christmas? Did they ever tell?

Expand full comment
Carole's avatar

Thank you for this gift and good words for the new year.

Expand full comment
Michele Moon's avatar

thanking god for the fragrance of new-mown hay, the beautiful silence of animals, and the absolute truth of the heavenly earth.

E.E. Cummings

Thank you, Janisse, for all the gifts you freely offer.

Expand full comment
Katy's avatar

A peek inside what it was like to not have Christmas. Thank you for this perspective. Its good to point out how we can hold both happy and sad feelings at the same time. I appreciated how you encouraged everyone at the end.

Expand full comment
Julie Bright Starr's avatar

Thank you for sharing your story and these important, thoughtful reminders about the holiday season, how we show up for each other ( or not), and how it is possible to make the world a better place.

Expand full comment